This post will be a little off-the-cuff, so I apologize in advance if you stumbled over here looking for something light and cheery with a neat and tidy wrapping.
I'm feeling far from that today.
This morning I woke up and realized two things:
#1 My foot hurt too much to apply pressure to walk normally.
This was not the case yesterday.
I kind of thought that I had brilliantly overcame another obstacle-- That I had babied my L foot enough to get over whatever happened to it last weekend ( which didn't start hurting until later in the day, several hours after running 17 miles and working at a race).
#2 The 4th of July is FRIDAY and not Saturday. Don't ask me how I had the day of the week wrong, but I did. And, the combination of #1 and #2 means that I would need to register tomorrow to race on the 4th, but that does not seem prudent. :(
Here I am again.
Wondering how I am such a train wreck as a runner.
Last night my foot felt great. Everything felt great. I had a magical run down a logging road. It felt so great that at mile 4, I ran up a hill that climbed 600f in 4/10 mile, then ran another 5 miles. During my run, I realized I had not given God thanks for healing my foot and I thanked Him as I cheerfully made my way down the road, smiling, for letting me run without injury.
Oh how quickly feelings change from gratitude to disappointment.
How can I have been so successful from 2010 to 2012, and just drop off a precipice at the end of all of it?
Am I just a bio-mechanical failure? Or am I just that bad at training, that I just keep injuring myself?
I try really hard to be careful with training paces. I rebuilt carefully from plantar fasciitis, and it's been almost a year since I started running again after that agonizing layoff. But, since I started training for a goal, something has tipped the scales.
I thought I had a well-structured plan. Sometimes I would like a coach, but I don't know how well I would listen to one. Seems I would be paying mostly for encouragement and a leash.
I had a conversation with my husband today. It went something like this:
Him: "I know you probably want to go to the doctor for this." (feeling guilty we don't have insurance)
Me: " I don't want to go to the doctor. I just want to run like I used to without getting hurt. I want to run what I think is reasonable mileage and not get hurt." (bursting into tears)
Him: "Maybe you can't anymore."
We have had a lot of discussions about age and physical limitations recently.
He's 40 and I will be soon. I love him, but this is not what I wanted to hear. I don't want to be past my prime.
I want to be able to run, and run hard.
I want to do long runs and also do speed work.
I want to train for goal races.
That's a lot of "I wants".
Maybe he's right, though. Sometimes the truth hurts.
Nice evening view from 600ft above the creek
I want my old self back. It's easy to be grateful when everything is how you want it. It's so much harder when you want something you can't have.
So, it looks like I am going to take a few days off again. Or, I will at least reduce my miles for each run again. (Not because I just HAVE to run, but because I was doing that and my foot was getting better and I have a goal race sitting out there). Who knows about that 50k I have been aiming towards.
Those new Altra zero-drop shoes I have coming? They will look nice in the box a little longer, I guess.